Last night, I experienced an intense multidimensional clearing. It started after a grueling day dominated by a heavy, compulsive tic. It always gets triggered by something normal, like waking up with a speck of dust or a hair in my eye. But very quickly, it escalates into sheer panic and a compulsive state where I become terrified of myself because I cannot stop. I stay trapped in this loop all day long, frantically trying to fish and scratch something out of my eye until it becomes half-inflamed. Alongside this desperate physical loop, I felt an overwhelming pressure on my chest and a deep sense of terror. It’s like i lose total control over myself and that is terrible.Before sitting down on the couch, I had done a short meditation connecting with Mary Magdalene Yeshua and invoking the Seraphim to ask for help.. because i could not handle it anymore after 3 days of this.. And this is going on for many, many years now. (with good and bad days offcourse)

Suddenly, I felt a familiar sensation rushing through my ears and head..a feeling like ascending rapidly in an airplane (i know that happends when my frequency is adjusting to another/higher frequency)…and I decided to completely surrender to i tand let go of the fear i feel..Immediately, I felt myself become fiercely present and anchored in my body. A heavy, steadfast, deeply grounded masculine energy took over. Involuntarily, I began to hum in a very low, deep frequency. This shifted into spontaneous chanting. As I chanted, visual fields opened up and I started seeing vibrant colors, predominantly deep purples and blues/indigo. I moved my awareness through different parts of my body, and Soul language began to flow through me. I felt guided to clear the areas around my throat, chest, and eyes while spoken words emerged in this ancient tongue.( i recognize this from al the times i experienced this before in all the years i am doing this )

Suddenly, my eyes began to flutter and vibrate rapidly, a physical sign I recognize from when I am about to receive a strong visual transmission. In my mind's eye, a powerful Shaman-Chief appeared. When I asked who he was, the message came through:'We are of the Gojib tribe. We are deeply connected to the Earth, yet physically far removed from it…84,000 light-years away, in a parallel universe.'I understood that this Chief represents a major aspect of my Original Self, existing in a much higher dimension (12D) that lives fully from Unity Consciousness, completely interconnected with all multidimensional realities, planets, and star systems.The Shaman revealed the exact root of my deepest fear and the origin of my compulsive eye tic. He explained that I carry an immense, ancient trauma surrounding channeling (allthough thats my natural “gift”) and losing control of my physical vessel. In another incarnation…within a dark, ritualistic cult/sect setting..my highly sensitive, pure channeling abilities were hijacked. I was forced through trauma-based mind control and horrific rituals to channel demonic, low-astral frequencies.

The moment this realization hit my conscious mind, my entire body went into a massive physical purge. For about fifteen minutes, I was shaking violently, sweating, crying, and my whole body was on fire...
I experienced a terrifying somatic flashback: the exact, desperate memory of wanting to literally claw and scratch those demonic entities out of my skin and tear them out of my eyes. I finally understood that my daily compulsive tic is the physical echo of this exact moment…a frantic, subconscious attempt to purge the unholy energy from my body.
The Shaman explained that this is the greatest, heaviest trauma I carry in my soul’s history….even more painful than being persecuted or killed for my gifts. It was the ultimate violation of my holy, safe temple: my physical body.
The fact that other entities were occupying my body, driving me crazy and making me lose all control, is deeply intense.You can run away from physical people who want to kill you; you know the danger is outside of you.
But when other spirits take over your mind and vessel, the ultimate trust in who you are is scattered, and your core strength is completely shattered.

I know i have dreams/nightmares about this since i was a child.
I always had dreams where other entities were taking over my body and then i suddenly started to act crazy and was trying to murder everyone around me.
So i knew allready about this deep fear of getting possessed.They showed me that this trauma had been sitting on my heart for eons like a heavy, dense, black block.
They deliberately brought it to the surface and used sound frequencies to shatter and loosen it, allowing it to finally be released in a space that is now completely safe.
They also revealed that this Shaman aspect is deeply connected to the lineage of White Eagle.

Before the experience ended, they asked if I would be willing to consciously visit them in my dream state, and I said yes.
That very night, I immediately began integrating and releasing the energy through my dreams.
I dreamt that I was discussing this entire experience with a soulsister. In the dream, I suddenly felt an incredibly urgent need to urinate. I went to the bathroom and just kept peeing, liters and liters of fluid came out of me, a continuous stream of letting go.Right after that, my youngest son appeared and started vomiting, and a little bit of it got on me. Then, as I stood up from the toilet, I also started vomiting intensely, releasing massive amounts. I realized that the moment I fell asleep, my subconscious and my dream body went straight into a deep, visceral purging process, physically and energetically washing away the remnants of the old trauma.

I now understand why I carry such a profound, paralyzing terror around channeling and connecting with higher realms, even when the energy presenting itself is completely good, beautiful, and pure.For eons, my energetic security system has been deeply conditioned by this trauma.To my nervous system, the trigger is not whether an entity is dark or light; the trigger is the act of opening the gateway itself, even though doing this is my natural state.
I also experienced multiple times in this lifetime where I was completely and half taken over by dark entities, especially when I was under the influence of alcohol (even one sip was enough).

The moment I begin to alter my state of consciousness, raise my frequency, and surrender to a higher multidimensional connection, my cell memory instantly flashes back to the moments before the ritual abuse. (or when this happends all of a sudden)My body recognizes the opening of the channel and immediately misinterprets it as an incoming hijacking, triggering absolute survival mode and panic.Furthermore, this ancient experience created a deep wound of spiritual mistrust. Because my purity was weaponized against me in that past life, a subconscious fear whispers that any beautiful, high-vibrational energy might be a deception..a trap that starts out magnificent but will eventually turn into horror once I lose control.This primal fear was actually a hyper-vigilant protector, locking down my heart chakra with a heavy, dark block to ensure my temple would never be breached again. Now, as I step into my true power, I am learning that it is safe to let that guard down.
The fear does not mean the current connection is impure but it is simply the echo of the old violation learning that I am finally safe, sovereign, and in control of my own vessel. 
i also am not sure if this is the life where they pulled my eyes out, it doesnt matter after all, its about time to release it instead of holding it in me.

Intertwined with this immense terror of channeling is a complex web of deep-seated fears that I have encountered and worked on throughout my multidimensional awakening journey especially the last 8 years, but the memories and flashbacks of being persecuted and murdered for being who i am i allready have since begin teenage years and memories of atlantis since i was a child.
This includes a profound fear of persecution, torture, and being cast out by society but also in “spiritual groups i belonged to” for embodying my spiritual gifts..an echo of the many lifetimes where I was hunted or killed for my light. , and for who i am.. that lies a deeply manipulative, gaslighting program from the cult era: a lingering, toxic anxiety that I am inherently 'bad' or that I am somehow unknowingly worshipping the devil by opening up to the unseen.
Because my vessel was forced to channel dark frequencies, my soul was conditioned to carry the false guilt of the abusers, making me fear my own power.Also the combination of nothing feeling safe with real people, makes it 10 times worse..
Because i felt like i have nowhere to run to and no one to feel safe. But i needed to find it again in myself, in me, in my connection to everything that i am.

Furthermore, this ties into the agonizing somatic and multidimensional memories of being subjected to breeding programs, where not just my channel, but my biological and spiritual creation power was hijacked. This whole experience was a systematic attempt to shatter the trust in my sacred temple, my womb, and my mind. Every ounce of this ancient panic…the fear of losing control, the fear of societal ánd Godly punishment, and the fear of cosmic violation..is what has been locked inside that heavy block on my heart, finally coming up to be fully seen, untangled, and cleared from my system.

Yesterday, my mother also did a pendulum and card reading for me, and she pulled some incredibly beautiful cards: The Chalice, The Lemurian Seed Crystal, and The Seraphim Gateway by Kyle Gray.
From my dragon oracle deck, she pulled The Lila Dragon for Deep Healing.Afterward, she used her pendulum to check my bookshelf to see if there were books containing specific messages for me, narrowing down the exact page numbers.
Two books came forward, and the precision of their messages was astounding:
The first book was : The Law of Attraction by Abraham Hicks: The exact pages she found focused on 'How to prevent being influenced by old beliefs and habits.' This section explains how to break free from the downward spiral of deeply rooted, subconscious beliefs, which, of course, originate from past-life experiences.
The second book was : The Power of Your Subconscious Mind (Chapter 18): The page pointed directly to 'How your subconscious mind eliminates mental blocks.' This specific chapter addresses how developing a long-term negative thought pattern or repeating a specific action over an extended period creates an automatic neural habit, turning it into a compulsion (exactly like my eye tic). It offers practical guidance on how to break free from these compulsive cycles.It was deeply moving and validating to receive these exact messages, showing me that while the core trauma comes from an ancient storyline, the path forward involves actively rewiring my subconscious mind and breaking the automatic loops in my physical brain.

All i can say is……What… a…. ride... this life is.

Oh and I want to emphasize one crucial truth about this entire experience: it makes absolutely no difference whether this trauma happened to me in this current lifetime, a past incarnation, or if it was passed down to me through my ancestral lineage.The source of the timeline does not dictate the reality of the pain. I carry this imprint inside my body, in my cells, and in my subconscious in the here and now, and that is the only thing that matters. The somatic flashbacks, the terrifying panic, and the compulsive loops I experience are just as severe, devastating, and real as they would be for someone who survived these horrific events in their present-day reality.Trauma does not care about linear time; when a trigger hits (which has happened to me), the body relives it in the present moment. Acknowledging this has allowed me to stop questioning the validity of my experiences and fully honor my body's need to heal, process, and release it.Especially when you are on the “awakening”/”Priestess path” and you are going deep deep, everything will come up. Like, everything.

Thanks for reading, it's a long story. But it wanted to be shared.

With love,Tamara